I'm Sorry

There was something disturbing in watching her choke back tears, eyes glistening with them but refusing to let them fall. Dillion admitted, he had seen her cry a handful of times. He had seen her cry, made her cry many of times. It had broken his heart, but Dillion had never seen her like this. He had never seen her beautiful eyes, so brightly blue holding back unshed tears. She had always been so open with her emotion, willing to shed her tears. Dillion wasn't sure which had broke his heart more, she refused to cry or that she sat before him, wanting to but never letting herself. The tears moistened her eyes, shining in them, and mocking him. They called to him, proven that he had once again hurt her. How long had he been here, and already he had hurt. He was ashamed, his heart squeezing painfully and Dillion's fingers curled into a fist. Clenching his hand tightly, he looked away. A coward Dillion couldn't look at her. He had seen her cry so many times, but this was so much worse. It was so much worse, and Dillion couldn't dare watch her be strong. He was not stronger enough to see her crumble inside, but only her eyes hinted with the slightest emotion. Was that his fault? Had he hardened her?

Swallowing, Dillion finally turned to look at her. A soft breeze, cool hit the back of his neck and he turned momentarily. He expected to see someone, and for a moment Dillion was even hoping it would be their children. It would be a release from this temporary hell; he wasn't sure he could hear the answers just yet. He had demanded them. Dillion still wanted to know, how she could keep the kids from him. How could Leona, so innocent and sweet do that? Still he was wondering if, he even wanted to know. The truth was so much harder to live with. Right now, Dillion could live with a fantasy, and just be angry with her. At the end of this, he would surely be angry with her but at least, then he'd know the truth. The truth which he would have to accept. Accepting the truth was so much harder.

Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath and realized he couldn't breathe clearly. Her laugh was bittersweet, though still music to his ears. It was like nothing he had ever heard. It had been so long since, he had heard her laughter. His head jerked; Dillion just stared at her. He could not believe the sound. It was nothing like his memories taunted him with. Her laugh was sweeter, airier and it made him smile inwardly. Dillion felt his heart clench and insides twist. Had it really been so long?

He felt tired; old.

Carefully, his eyes moved over to the sink. Blinking his own eyes glistened over, the small hands captured his gaze immediately and he couldn't look away. Slowly, Dillion got up from his chair. He was still captivly listening, but he needed a closer look. Getting up, Dillion stood at the sink and traced their small hands. It was hard to believe their hands prints had once been so small. His thumb caressed the paint, outlining each finger and mesemerized in the simple beauty. Dillion swallowed, momentarily overcome and he choked back tears.

Clearing his throat, he moved back over to her and sat down. Intently listening, he occasionally rose his head and looked at her. He had missed so much. Did they all sleep in one room, because they were all alone? Who got the better grades, Audrey or Karen? He bet Karen, she oozed her mother.

How many bruises, hadn't be gotten to kiss better?

How many bullies, had he missed to tell off?

How many lectures?

How many colds?

How many smiles?

Dillion scrutinized her, his mouth set in a firm grim line. Full lips pulled taut, as he didn't deter his gaze from her. His heart was beating rapidly, anxious as he hung onto her every word. He was forlorn for answers. Dillion knew she would give them to him. They could agree, he did deserve them. Dillion wasn't so sure, they would agree on much more after that. Listening was the hardest part, and Dillion promised himself he would not interrupt her. He kept his gaze on the floor for most of it. When he could feel her eyes upon him, he looked up. She had been scared. His eyes were on the floor, hard, cold and he was burning holes into them. His chest heaved, and he took slow but deep calming breathes. Dillion needed something to filter the anger which flitted through him. It coursed through his body, throbbing like an tamable beast.

She had been scared!

He was nearly forty years old, and a girl who looked just like his ex-girlfriend had showed up in his office, and she had been scared! A few hours ago, Dillion had been so sure his work had finally gotten to him. He had finally gone crazy! He was bloody insane, and then to find out he had a daughter. No, there was a hitch, he had two daughters! He'd had them for fourteen years! All because she was scared and a coward! Dillion couldn't look at her. He was afraid of what he may say, if he faced her at this moment. His entire body was tense, a band of rubber-bands pulled taut to the fullest extent. His shoulders were hunched forward, and he balanced himself on his elbows. They dug into his knees, and Dillion cradled his face in his rough hands.

Suddenly, his head jerked up. What?! The scene flashed in his mind, slow and he could still remember the aromas of Lalana's cooking. Leona had been so cold to him that night. He had hardly noticed. The few glasses of wine and couple of beers had dulled his shitty day at work. Eric had gotten a child molester off, one Dillion had been so sure was guilty. His stomach twisted, and heart beat faster if possible. He had felt sick the entire day, and remembered sobbing in his office before picking up Leona. Bile slowly crept up this throat, and Dillion remembered so vividly why he'd been so against children. It had been so clear to him. Not only that night, but working for his father had turned him entirely off. Rubbing a hand over his face, Dillion clenched his eyes shut. He hadn't just screwed up, but royally fucked up. No, surprise Dillion was good for that. Dillion heard the bitter, and even acidic tone when she'd mentioned it. He wished, she asked her that night what was wrong.

Standing up, Dillion didn't care if touching was not allowed. Right now, he needed her to understand. Cupping her face, one thumb caressed her chiseled face and stroked her beautiful cheekbones. Her skin was so smooth, porcelain and still the beautiful color of cream. For a moment, Dillion forgot to breathe. She was so close, right here in his hands. Her face cupped in his hands, one thumb caressed her cheek and the other drew across her brow.

"Hey." Dillion whispered, his breath warm against her lips. Dillion hadn't realized how close they were to hers. Though, now his eyes darted down and saw her full rosy pout. He could kiss her right now, taste those familiar glowing lips. It was a shame, speaking was so much more important at the moment.

"That night... Eric had gotten off a... child molester." He swallowed and his eyes darted away. His voice was rougher than before.

"I was second chair. I knew the guy had did it, but... what could I do? I didn't want to bring kids into the world. I w-was afraid. I couldn't protect them. Ashamed of what I had done. Then I-I should have known something was wrong that night."

The corner of his lips quirked into a teasing half-smile, "What happened to that bullshit 'communication is the key', you were always preaching about?"

Dillion's fingers roamed across her face, tracing and memorizing. "I'm sorry." He whispered voice rough and sincere, and thumb drew across her full lower lip. "You do realize now, I have fourteen years to spoil them right? Puppies, horses, cars..." His lips moved close they were a breath away from hers. When he spoke, she could feel the words against her lips. "Anything. They. Want." He pulled away with a lascivious wink.