Also, read these entries in reverse!
Lastly -- Enjoy!
<3
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
BEFORE READING!
Make Sure! that you check out the 'about the authors' and prologue entries [first two].
Also, read these entries in reverse!
Lastly -- Enjoy!
<3
Also, read these entries in reverse!
Lastly -- Enjoy!
<3
"I'm in here, David."
Ever since she had first seen Dillion standing in her doorway Leona had honestly wanted to keep a good amount of space between them, knowing it was necessary, especially since she still only knew him as the very physical man she had fallen in love with when she was young. It also made it easier to entertain the idea that maybe this wasn’t real, even though she knew damn well that this was all very real. Now, though, as he came toward her, cautiously embracing her, Leona was thankful. If she hadn’t been so caught up in fighting back her tears she might have noticed the tenderness of his touch over her sides, the pressure of the counter on her back as he practically pinned her, but she didn’t. Not right now, at least. When he pulled her arms up around his neck she willingly obliged, standing a bit on her toes as she buried her face in his shoulder, allowing herself to silently cry in his arms.
It felt good to hold him again. Unlike Dillion Leona was still in a very platonic state of mind. Of course she remembered those old feelings, those old desires, but right now Dillion was not only her ex lover, he was also the father of her children, and the person that was comforting her now, even if she felt she didn’t deserve it. He was someone she loved and who was important to her, though all thoughts of romance were not exactly at the top of her list right now. Understandably, though. You’d probably have a lot more pressing issues on your mind if you were in her shoes, after all.
She hadn’t cried like this in a long time, and it was strange to her, almost foreign. Why was it that she was always like this around him? What was it about them that made her open up so much that she couldn’t help but fall apart? She felt guilty for crying, wishing he wasn’t seeing her like this. She didn’t want him to think that he was making her cry, at least not the way he use to. No, this was different. Yes, the emotions were in part because of him, but not caused by him. She wished she could distinguish that more in her own head, but she was far too distracted for that.
The crying stopped after a few deep breaths, and seeing the smile on Dillion’s face certainly helped. He wiped away her tears, comforting her in a way that only he ever could. She managed to smile as well when he mentioned how bright Audrey and Karen were, making her even laugh a little. It was true, they were rather bright. They were sneaky little brats sometimes, but she loved them more than anything else in this world. When he referred to them as “Our girls,” Leona worried she might cry again, and while her eyes were still filled with tears, none of them fell. A large smile fell over her lips. She had no idea how things were going to turn out now, her whole world had just been flipped upside down, but somehow she knew that it would be okay. Somehow things would work out. And somehow, finally, her daughters would have their real father.
The smile faded abruptly though, and Leona jumped a little, pulling away and looking toward the door behind her, though still holding on to Dillion. She heard the sound that had grabbed her attention for a second time now, and turned a bit more to face the doorway. Suddenly a few small giggles and the sound of bare feet not so quietly dashing across the wooden floor of the foyer were easily heard, echoing off the kitchen walls.
Leona laughed softly, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.
Suddenly she heard the door open, followed instantly by another man’s voice. It was kind and strong, and the giggling in the hall seemed to fade, the footsteps stopping.
“What are we giggling about?” Leona jumped again, this time forcing herself away from Dillion. She cast him a sorry look, running her hands through her hair and trying to fix her appearance, putting on a happy face that she knew wasn’t going to fool anyone, but at least it made her feel a little better. She moved around the counter, putting more distance between her and Dillion. She hadn’t done anything and there was nothing to feel guilty about, but she knew that this was going to be awkward and just as difficult as the rest of her morning had been.
“I’m in here, David,” she said as calmly as she could, hearing the sound of his work shoes on the wooden floor, practically holding her breath.
It felt good to hold him again. Unlike Dillion Leona was still in a very platonic state of mind. Of course she remembered those old feelings, those old desires, but right now Dillion was not only her ex lover, he was also the father of her children, and the person that was comforting her now, even if she felt she didn’t deserve it. He was someone she loved and who was important to her, though all thoughts of romance were not exactly at the top of her list right now. Understandably, though. You’d probably have a lot more pressing issues on your mind if you were in her shoes, after all.
She hadn’t cried like this in a long time, and it was strange to her, almost foreign. Why was it that she was always like this around him? What was it about them that made her open up so much that she couldn’t help but fall apart? She felt guilty for crying, wishing he wasn’t seeing her like this. She didn’t want him to think that he was making her cry, at least not the way he use to. No, this was different. Yes, the emotions were in part because of him, but not caused by him. She wished she could distinguish that more in her own head, but she was far too distracted for that.
The crying stopped after a few deep breaths, and seeing the smile on Dillion’s face certainly helped. He wiped away her tears, comforting her in a way that only he ever could. She managed to smile as well when he mentioned how bright Audrey and Karen were, making her even laugh a little. It was true, they were rather bright. They were sneaky little brats sometimes, but she loved them more than anything else in this world. When he referred to them as “Our girls,” Leona worried she might cry again, and while her eyes were still filled with tears, none of them fell. A large smile fell over her lips. She had no idea how things were going to turn out now, her whole world had just been flipped upside down, but somehow she knew that it would be okay. Somehow things would work out. And somehow, finally, her daughters would have their real father.
The smile faded abruptly though, and Leona jumped a little, pulling away and looking toward the door behind her, though still holding on to Dillion. She heard the sound that had grabbed her attention for a second time now, and turned a bit more to face the doorway. Suddenly a few small giggles and the sound of bare feet not so quietly dashing across the wooden floor of the foyer were easily heard, echoing off the kitchen walls.
Leona laughed softly, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand.
Suddenly she heard the door open, followed instantly by another man’s voice. It was kind and strong, and the giggling in the hall seemed to fade, the footsteps stopping.
“What are we giggling about?” Leona jumped again, this time forcing herself away from Dillion. She cast him a sorry look, running her hands through her hair and trying to fix her appearance, putting on a happy face that she knew wasn’t going to fool anyone, but at least it made her feel a little better. She moved around the counter, putting more distance between her and Dillion. She hadn’t done anything and there was nothing to feel guilty about, but she knew that this was going to be awkward and just as difficult as the rest of her morning had been.
“I’m in here, David,” she said as calmly as she could, hearing the sound of his work shoes on the wooden floor, practically holding her breath.
Our Girls
When he was younger, Dillion found apologizing a lot harder then doing anything else. It was a lot easier to make mistakes, and let people go. When you watched them walk away, uncaring what the consequences were; it was easier to pretend you didn't care. Dillion had often pretend, he didn't care. He had pretended for many ears, he hadn't cared about his father. He had pretended, it didn't mattered that his father had neglected him all his life. Letting the emotions fester inside of him, until it finally burst one day. It was amazing what therapy could reveal about you. Dillion still thought his therapist was paid way too much. He had figured out a lot of it by himself, and was just in denial. He hadn't needed a doctor to tell himself half of the things, he already knew. The doctor called admitting it to someone else "coping". Dillion called it a bill, but apparently he didn't know much. It helped so, he couldn't really complain - could he?
It was bizarre, Dillion didn't know why he wasn't more angry. When he had first figured it out, Dillion had been furious. He thought for sure, Dillion would go on a rampage when he saw her. He was so sure, he would yell and scream. Their tempers would rip the house down, and it would appear as if a tornado had blown through New York. Dillion had never thought, he would actually be able to see her and... time would stop. His memories had not been sufficient, not even remotely in reminding him of how beautiful she was. She was nothing at all like Dillion remembered. She was so beautiful, but that wasn't all. She was so strong. Dillion was afraid of how strong, she had become. She had raised their children all on her own. Sure, she had done it by choice, but Leona had still done it. He had to admire her for that. Dillion knew the job of a single mother was never an easy one. His mother had raised him single-handedly, and her job had been a struggle every second. Then again, his mother hadn't had a lot of money. Leona didn't look as if she was struggling any. At least, Dillion surely didn't hope so. She had her parents, they couldn't have disowned her. They had to have understood. They had seemed like good people. No, it was unthinkable to think they would have left her alone. He would ask about that later.
Standing by the table, Dillion watched as she bolted behind the counter and kept distance between them. He shoved one hand into his jean pocket and just gave her her space. He didn't want to overcrowd her. She was allowed her space. Plus, Dillion constantly needed to remind himself of her look. It had been clear, touching wasn't allowed. He'd already broken that rule once. If he got close to her again, Dillion was likely to do it again. He wasn't going to make any promises, Dillion couldn't keep. He would never make the promise not to touch her, hell Dillion was pretty sure that was sacrilegious! Taking a deep breath, her voice was so quiet Dillion didn't hear her at first. His head was lowered, staring at the ground and fidgeting with the lint in his pocket.
Hearing her voice alerted him, and he knew already what she was going to say. He chewed on his lip, what was he supposed to say to her? Of course, Dillion blamed himself! She should have told him! It started off with him telling Connor that stupid word. He should have been paying more attention to her though. Dillion had never paid her enough attention. He had always been good at screwing things up. He should have just told her, he had had a bad day. It would have cleared up everything. It was his fault. He didn't have to move. He could have stayed in the United States, but he was selfish. A part of him even wanted to impress his father. It was a small part, but still large enough for Dillion to move back. He wanted to prove, he was worthy of the name Hepburn. Dillion knew now, he would tell his father to go to hell. Though, back then Dillion was still the frightened and ashamed "man." He didn't know much about the world, and still wanted to impress a man who was impossible to impress. Still working for his father, Dillion knew he just continued to disappoint him. The only difference was Dillion had longed stopped caring.
Leona was just standing there! Her shoulder shook and the quiet sniffles were defeating. He pressed his lips tight together, and squeezed his eyes tight together. They clenched tight and rubbed a hand across his face. Unable to resist, Dillion moved over to her side. She was crying. Why were they always crying when they were around one another? Walking in front of her, Dillion stepped near her so he crowded her. She was pinned against the counter, and he placed his longer muscular arms on either side of her body. Slowly, his hands moved up her sides and across the fuller curves of her body. Dillion reminded himself, he needed to keep this entirely platonic. No matter, how many ways he knew how to make her stop crying. Today, Dillion had to stop her as a friend, and not as her boyfriend.
Timidly, Dillion unlaced her arms and wrapped them around his neck. He tugged her close, chest to chest and their bodies flush. Dillion held her close, happy to have his arms around her again. Dillion nestled her into his arms, still timid to hold her so close. His hands wouldn't close around her all the way. His hands hesitantly held loosely off to her sides. Then with a deep sigh, Dillion relaxed and tightly snuggled her close. One hand reached up and Dillion petted her hair, "Come on, love be happy we've got such bright girls. They did your job for you." Dillion chuckled, voice rugged and he pulled back to see her face. He strongly wanted to kiss her face; kiss away the tears like he used to. Dillion resisted, but his eyes flickered once again to her lips. He brought one hand to her cheek, and swept away the tears.
"Our girls." Dillion whispered and he genuinely smiled.
It was bizarre, Dillion didn't know why he wasn't more angry. When he had first figured it out, Dillion had been furious. He thought for sure, Dillion would go on a rampage when he saw her. He was so sure, he would yell and scream. Their tempers would rip the house down, and it would appear as if a tornado had blown through New York. Dillion had never thought, he would actually be able to see her and... time would stop. His memories had not been sufficient, not even remotely in reminding him of how beautiful she was. She was nothing at all like Dillion remembered. She was so beautiful, but that wasn't all. She was so strong. Dillion was afraid of how strong, she had become. She had raised their children all on her own. Sure, she had done it by choice, but Leona had still done it. He had to admire her for that. Dillion knew the job of a single mother was never an easy one. His mother had raised him single-handedly, and her job had been a struggle every second. Then again, his mother hadn't had a lot of money. Leona didn't look as if she was struggling any. At least, Dillion surely didn't hope so. She had her parents, they couldn't have disowned her. They had to have understood. They had seemed like good people. No, it was unthinkable to think they would have left her alone. He would ask about that later.
Standing by the table, Dillion watched as she bolted behind the counter and kept distance between them. He shoved one hand into his jean pocket and just gave her her space. He didn't want to overcrowd her. She was allowed her space. Plus, Dillion constantly needed to remind himself of her look. It had been clear, touching wasn't allowed. He'd already broken that rule once. If he got close to her again, Dillion was likely to do it again. He wasn't going to make any promises, Dillion couldn't keep. He would never make the promise not to touch her, hell Dillion was pretty sure that was sacrilegious! Taking a deep breath, her voice was so quiet Dillion didn't hear her at first. His head was lowered, staring at the ground and fidgeting with the lint in his pocket.
Hearing her voice alerted him, and he knew already what she was going to say. He chewed on his lip, what was he supposed to say to her? Of course, Dillion blamed himself! She should have told him! It started off with him telling Connor that stupid word. He should have been paying more attention to her though. Dillion had never paid her enough attention. He had always been good at screwing things up. He should have just told her, he had had a bad day. It would have cleared up everything. It was his fault. He didn't have to move. He could have stayed in the United States, but he was selfish. A part of him even wanted to impress his father. It was a small part, but still large enough for Dillion to move back. He wanted to prove, he was worthy of the name Hepburn. Dillion knew now, he would tell his father to go to hell. Though, back then Dillion was still the frightened and ashamed "man." He didn't know much about the world, and still wanted to impress a man who was impossible to impress. Still working for his father, Dillion knew he just continued to disappoint him. The only difference was Dillion had longed stopped caring.
Leona was just standing there! Her shoulder shook and the quiet sniffles were defeating. He pressed his lips tight together, and squeezed his eyes tight together. They clenched tight and rubbed a hand across his face. Unable to resist, Dillion moved over to her side. She was crying. Why were they always crying when they were around one another? Walking in front of her, Dillion stepped near her so he crowded her. She was pinned against the counter, and he placed his longer muscular arms on either side of her body. Slowly, his hands moved up her sides and across the fuller curves of her body. Dillion reminded himself, he needed to keep this entirely platonic. No matter, how many ways he knew how to make her stop crying. Today, Dillion had to stop her as a friend, and not as her boyfriend.
Timidly, Dillion unlaced her arms and wrapped them around his neck. He tugged her close, chest to chest and their bodies flush. Dillion held her close, happy to have his arms around her again. Dillion nestled her into his arms, still timid to hold her so close. His hands wouldn't close around her all the way. His hands hesitantly held loosely off to her sides. Then with a deep sigh, Dillion relaxed and tightly snuggled her close. One hand reached up and Dillion petted her hair, "Come on, love be happy we've got such bright girls. They did your job for you." Dillion chuckled, voice rugged and he pulled back to see her face. He strongly wanted to kiss her face; kiss away the tears like he used to. Dillion resisted, but his eyes flickered once again to her lips. He brought one hand to her cheek, and swept away the tears.
"Our girls." Dillion whispered and he genuinely smiled.
All My Fault
It was impossible not to feel heartbroken as she watched Dillion stand, moving to the washrags hanging by the sink, touching them like they were precious jewels. She could see the pain in his movements, and hated herself, knowing that she was the reason all of this was happening.
She finished her little sob story, wishing she hadn’t sounded so damn pathetic. Leona knew she was in the wrong, and hearing herself retell the story, out loud and to him, only made it more obvious. How had she been so stupid?
Watching him get out of his seat again Leona just followed him with her eyes, turning a bit in her chair when he came to crouch in front of her, taking her face in his hands. As much as she knew she shouldn’t be letting him touch her, especially with their history, she couldn’t help but let her face fall against his hands, unsure if the feeling was helping or causing her to break even more. She listened to him explain himself and that night, suddenly wishing she had known more, that she had known that his position against having kids had not been out of a lack of desire to be a father, but out of fear, understandable fear. If only she had known. She would have done everything differently. She couldn’t try and imagine what life would be like now if they had been in this together, it was too impossible and too painful to think about.
Stressed laughter fell from her lips again, longing to be genuine but that sort of happiness just wasn’t in her right now. The idea of him spoiling the girls, whom she insisted were already spoiled enough by her crazy family, brought the closest thing to happiness she had felt all morning. She knew he would, too, spoil them that is. Even though Leona had always doubted if Dillion would ever have children, she had never doubted that if he did, he’d be an amazing father.
And then it hit her like a ton of bricks, the two short words he had uttered a breath before informing her that he was going to make up for lost time.
“I’m sorry.”
He was sorry? No. No, no, no, he couldn’t be blaming himself. No! Leona felt like she was about to have a panic attack or something, her entire body freezing up. She was so much like she had been as a girl again, allowing herself to fall into his charms only to suddenly realize that it was a bad idea. Tensing up she pulled herself away from him, moving to her feet and around him and walking across her kitchen with a curled hand again to her lips. She was shaking her head, her back to him. For a moment she stood just like that, reminding herself to breathe and biting back the tears that were becoming harder and harder to ignore. When she felt like she was in control again she turned to face him, standing against the island counter and folding her arms over her stomach, still shaking her head.
“Please… don’t, blame yourself.” She began quietly, realizing that she wasn’t as in control as she had thought. “I should have told you, Dillion. I should have told you years ago. I should have… flown to London to see you, or at least called you the moment I knew.” It was finally becoming too much, and the tears in her eyes were becoming more threatening. She sniffled, wiping away the tears before they could fall. “I was scared, but that wasn’t an excuse. This is all my fault, mine, not yours. I should have told you… I’m so sorry.”
She just stood there, arms over her stomach and leaning her back into the island, reaching up to wipe away her tears again as they finally began to slowly spill over and down her pale cheeks. She couldn’t sit there and listen to him blame himself, she just couldn’t. Fourteen years ago Leona had felt that she was making the right choice, but honestly, she knew she was wrong. She had figured that out years ago, and had done nothing about it. Leona was hurting but she wasn’t stupid. She knew that all of this was on her, and that Dillion had no reason to feel guilt, and that he did have every reason to be angry with her. She almost wished he was angry, that he was yelling at her, instead of comforting her. He was comforting her! Why? Why would he do that, when she had denied him his children? Leona would never understand him, she realized, staring across the room at him and wishing things had worked out differently.
She finished her little sob story, wishing she hadn’t sounded so damn pathetic. Leona knew she was in the wrong, and hearing herself retell the story, out loud and to him, only made it more obvious. How had she been so stupid?
Watching him get out of his seat again Leona just followed him with her eyes, turning a bit in her chair when he came to crouch in front of her, taking her face in his hands. As much as she knew she shouldn’t be letting him touch her, especially with their history, she couldn’t help but let her face fall against his hands, unsure if the feeling was helping or causing her to break even more. She listened to him explain himself and that night, suddenly wishing she had known more, that she had known that his position against having kids had not been out of a lack of desire to be a father, but out of fear, understandable fear. If only she had known. She would have done everything differently. She couldn’t try and imagine what life would be like now if they had been in this together, it was too impossible and too painful to think about.
Stressed laughter fell from her lips again, longing to be genuine but that sort of happiness just wasn’t in her right now. The idea of him spoiling the girls, whom she insisted were already spoiled enough by her crazy family, brought the closest thing to happiness she had felt all morning. She knew he would, too, spoil them that is. Even though Leona had always doubted if Dillion would ever have children, she had never doubted that if he did, he’d be an amazing father.
And then it hit her like a ton of bricks, the two short words he had uttered a breath before informing her that he was going to make up for lost time.
“I’m sorry.”
He was sorry? No. No, no, no, he couldn’t be blaming himself. No! Leona felt like she was about to have a panic attack or something, her entire body freezing up. She was so much like she had been as a girl again, allowing herself to fall into his charms only to suddenly realize that it was a bad idea. Tensing up she pulled herself away from him, moving to her feet and around him and walking across her kitchen with a curled hand again to her lips. She was shaking her head, her back to him. For a moment she stood just like that, reminding herself to breathe and biting back the tears that were becoming harder and harder to ignore. When she felt like she was in control again she turned to face him, standing against the island counter and folding her arms over her stomach, still shaking her head.
“Please… don’t, blame yourself.” She began quietly, realizing that she wasn’t as in control as she had thought. “I should have told you, Dillion. I should have told you years ago. I should have… flown to London to see you, or at least called you the moment I knew.” It was finally becoming too much, and the tears in her eyes were becoming more threatening. She sniffled, wiping away the tears before they could fall. “I was scared, but that wasn’t an excuse. This is all my fault, mine, not yours. I should have told you… I’m so sorry.”
She just stood there, arms over her stomach and leaning her back into the island, reaching up to wipe away her tears again as they finally began to slowly spill over and down her pale cheeks. She couldn’t sit there and listen to him blame himself, she just couldn’t. Fourteen years ago Leona had felt that she was making the right choice, but honestly, she knew she was wrong. She had figured that out years ago, and had done nothing about it. Leona was hurting but she wasn’t stupid. She knew that all of this was on her, and that Dillion had no reason to feel guilt, and that he did have every reason to be angry with her. She almost wished he was angry, that he was yelling at her, instead of comforting her. He was comforting her! Why? Why would he do that, when she had denied him his children? Leona would never understand him, she realized, staring across the room at him and wishing things had worked out differently.
I'm Sorry
There was something disturbing in watching her choke back tears, eyes glistening with them but refusing to let them fall. Dillion admitted, he had seen her cry a handful of times. He had seen her cry, made her cry many of times. It had broken his heart, but Dillion had never seen her like this. He had never seen her beautiful eyes, so brightly blue holding back unshed tears. She had always been so open with her emotion, willing to shed her tears. Dillion wasn't sure which had broke his heart more, she refused to cry or that she sat before him, wanting to but never letting herself. The tears moistened her eyes, shining in them, and mocking him. They called to him, proven that he had once again hurt her. How long had he been here, and already he had hurt. He was ashamed, his heart squeezing painfully and Dillion's fingers curled into a fist. Clenching his hand tightly, he looked away. A coward Dillion couldn't look at her. He had seen her cry so many times, but this was so much worse. It was so much worse, and Dillion couldn't dare watch her be strong. He was not stronger enough to see her crumble inside, but only her eyes hinted with the slightest emotion. Was that his fault? Had he hardened her?
Swallowing, Dillion finally turned to look at her. A soft breeze, cool hit the back of his neck and he turned momentarily. He expected to see someone, and for a moment Dillion was even hoping it would be their children. It would be a release from this temporary hell; he wasn't sure he could hear the answers just yet. He had demanded them. Dillion still wanted to know, how she could keep the kids from him. How could Leona, so innocent and sweet do that? Still he was wondering if, he even wanted to know. The truth was so much harder to live with. Right now, Dillion could live with a fantasy, and just be angry with her. At the end of this, he would surely be angry with her but at least, then he'd know the truth. The truth which he would have to accept. Accepting the truth was so much harder.
Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath and realized he couldn't breathe clearly. Her laugh was bittersweet, though still music to his ears. It was like nothing he had ever heard. It had been so long since, he had heard her laughter. His head jerked; Dillion just stared at her. He could not believe the sound. It was nothing like his memories taunted him with. Her laugh was sweeter, airier and it made him smile inwardly. Dillion felt his heart clench and insides twist. Had it really been so long?
He felt tired; old.
Carefully, his eyes moved over to the sink. Blinking his own eyes glistened over, the small hands captured his gaze immediately and he couldn't look away. Slowly, Dillion got up from his chair. He was still captivly listening, but he needed a closer look. Getting up, Dillion stood at the sink and traced their small hands. It was hard to believe their hands prints had once been so small. His thumb caressed the paint, outlining each finger and mesemerized in the simple beauty. Dillion swallowed, momentarily overcome and he choked back tears.
Clearing his throat, he moved back over to her and sat down. Intently listening, he occasionally rose his head and looked at her. He had missed so much. Did they all sleep in one room, because they were all alone? Who got the better grades, Audrey or Karen? He bet Karen, she oozed her mother.
How many bruises, hadn't be gotten to kiss better?
How many bullies, had he missed to tell off?
How many lectures?
How many colds?
How many smiles?
Dillion scrutinized her, his mouth set in a firm grim line. Full lips pulled taut, as he didn't deter his gaze from her. His heart was beating rapidly, anxious as he hung onto her every word. He was forlorn for answers. Dillion knew she would give them to him. They could agree, he did deserve them. Dillion wasn't so sure, they would agree on much more after that. Listening was the hardest part, and Dillion promised himself he would not interrupt her. He kept his gaze on the floor for most of it. When he could feel her eyes upon him, he looked up. She had been scared. His eyes were on the floor, hard, cold and he was burning holes into them. His chest heaved, and he took slow but deep calming breathes. Dillion needed something to filter the anger which flitted through him. It coursed through his body, throbbing like an tamable beast.
She had been scared!
He was nearly forty years old, and a girl who looked just like his ex-girlfriend had showed up in his office, and she had been scared! A few hours ago, Dillion had been so sure his work had finally gotten to him. He had finally gone crazy! He was bloody insane, and then to find out he had a daughter. No, there was a hitch, he had two daughters! He'd had them for fourteen years! All because she was scared and a coward! Dillion couldn't look at her. He was afraid of what he may say, if he faced her at this moment. His entire body was tense, a band of rubber-bands pulled taut to the fullest extent. His shoulders were hunched forward, and he balanced himself on his elbows. They dug into his knees, and Dillion cradled his face in his rough hands.
Suddenly, his head jerked up. What?! The scene flashed in his mind, slow and he could still remember the aromas of Lalana's cooking. Leona had been so cold to him that night. He had hardly noticed. The few glasses of wine and couple of beers had dulled his shitty day at work. Eric had gotten a child molester off, one Dillion had been so sure was guilty. His stomach twisted, and heart beat faster if possible. He had felt sick the entire day, and remembered sobbing in his office before picking up Leona. Bile slowly crept up this throat, and Dillion remembered so vividly why he'd been so against children. It had been so clear to him. Not only that night, but working for his father had turned him entirely off. Rubbing a hand over his face, Dillion clenched his eyes shut. He hadn't just screwed up, but royally fucked up. No, surprise Dillion was good for that. Dillion heard the bitter, and even acidic tone when she'd mentioned it. He wished, she asked her that night what was wrong.
Standing up, Dillion didn't care if touching was not allowed. Right now, he needed her to understand. Cupping her face, one thumb caressed her chiseled face and stroked her beautiful cheekbones. Her skin was so smooth, porcelain and still the beautiful color of cream. For a moment, Dillion forgot to breathe. She was so close, right here in his hands. Her face cupped in his hands, one thumb caressed her cheek and the other drew across her brow.
"Hey." Dillion whispered, his breath warm against her lips. Dillion hadn't realized how close they were to hers. Though, now his eyes darted down and saw her full rosy pout. He could kiss her right now, taste those familiar glowing lips. It was a shame, speaking was so much more important at the moment.
"That night... Eric had gotten off a... child molester." He swallowed and his eyes darted away. His voice was rougher than before.
"I was second chair. I knew the guy had did it, but... what could I do? I didn't want to bring kids into the world. I w-was afraid. I couldn't protect them. Ashamed of what I had done. Then I-I should have known something was wrong that night."
The corner of his lips quirked into a teasing half-smile, "What happened to that bullshit 'communication is the key', you were always preaching about?"
Dillion's fingers roamed across her face, tracing and memorizing. "I'm sorry." He whispered voice rough and sincere, and thumb drew across her full lower lip. "You do realize now, I have fourteen years to spoil them right? Puppies, horses, cars..." His lips moved close they were a breath away from hers. When he spoke, she could feel the words against her lips. "Anything. They. Want." He pulled away with a lascivious wink.
Swallowing, Dillion finally turned to look at her. A soft breeze, cool hit the back of his neck and he turned momentarily. He expected to see someone, and for a moment Dillion was even hoping it would be their children. It would be a release from this temporary hell; he wasn't sure he could hear the answers just yet. He had demanded them. Dillion still wanted to know, how she could keep the kids from him. How could Leona, so innocent and sweet do that? Still he was wondering if, he even wanted to know. The truth was so much harder to live with. Right now, Dillion could live with a fantasy, and just be angry with her. At the end of this, he would surely be angry with her but at least, then he'd know the truth. The truth which he would have to accept. Accepting the truth was so much harder.
Running a hand through his hair, he took a deep breath and realized he couldn't breathe clearly. Her laugh was bittersweet, though still music to his ears. It was like nothing he had ever heard. It had been so long since, he had heard her laughter. His head jerked; Dillion just stared at her. He could not believe the sound. It was nothing like his memories taunted him with. Her laugh was sweeter, airier and it made him smile inwardly. Dillion felt his heart clench and insides twist. Had it really been so long?
He felt tired; old.
Carefully, his eyes moved over to the sink. Blinking his own eyes glistened over, the small hands captured his gaze immediately and he couldn't look away. Slowly, Dillion got up from his chair. He was still captivly listening, but he needed a closer look. Getting up, Dillion stood at the sink and traced their small hands. It was hard to believe their hands prints had once been so small. His thumb caressed the paint, outlining each finger and mesemerized in the simple beauty. Dillion swallowed, momentarily overcome and he choked back tears.
Clearing his throat, he moved back over to her and sat down. Intently listening, he occasionally rose his head and looked at her. He had missed so much. Did they all sleep in one room, because they were all alone? Who got the better grades, Audrey or Karen? He bet Karen, she oozed her mother.
How many bruises, hadn't be gotten to kiss better?
How many bullies, had he missed to tell off?
How many lectures?
How many colds?
How many smiles?
Dillion scrutinized her, his mouth set in a firm grim line. Full lips pulled taut, as he didn't deter his gaze from her. His heart was beating rapidly, anxious as he hung onto her every word. He was forlorn for answers. Dillion knew she would give them to him. They could agree, he did deserve them. Dillion wasn't so sure, they would agree on much more after that. Listening was the hardest part, and Dillion promised himself he would not interrupt her. He kept his gaze on the floor for most of it. When he could feel her eyes upon him, he looked up. She had been scared. His eyes were on the floor, hard, cold and he was burning holes into them. His chest heaved, and he took slow but deep calming breathes. Dillion needed something to filter the anger which flitted through him. It coursed through his body, throbbing like an tamable beast.
She had been scared!
He was nearly forty years old, and a girl who looked just like his ex-girlfriend had showed up in his office, and she had been scared! A few hours ago, Dillion had been so sure his work had finally gotten to him. He had finally gone crazy! He was bloody insane, and then to find out he had a daughter. No, there was a hitch, he had two daughters! He'd had them for fourteen years! All because she was scared and a coward! Dillion couldn't look at her. He was afraid of what he may say, if he faced her at this moment. His entire body was tense, a band of rubber-bands pulled taut to the fullest extent. His shoulders were hunched forward, and he balanced himself on his elbows. They dug into his knees, and Dillion cradled his face in his rough hands.
Suddenly, his head jerked up. What?! The scene flashed in his mind, slow and he could still remember the aromas of Lalana's cooking. Leona had been so cold to him that night. He had hardly noticed. The few glasses of wine and couple of beers had dulled his shitty day at work. Eric had gotten a child molester off, one Dillion had been so sure was guilty. His stomach twisted, and heart beat faster if possible. He had felt sick the entire day, and remembered sobbing in his office before picking up Leona. Bile slowly crept up this throat, and Dillion remembered so vividly why he'd been so against children. It had been so clear to him. Not only that night, but working for his father had turned him entirely off. Rubbing a hand over his face, Dillion clenched his eyes shut. He hadn't just screwed up, but royally fucked up. No, surprise Dillion was good for that. Dillion heard the bitter, and even acidic tone when she'd mentioned it. He wished, she asked her that night what was wrong.
Standing up, Dillion didn't care if touching was not allowed. Right now, he needed her to understand. Cupping her face, one thumb caressed her chiseled face and stroked her beautiful cheekbones. Her skin was so smooth, porcelain and still the beautiful color of cream. For a moment, Dillion forgot to breathe. She was so close, right here in his hands. Her face cupped in his hands, one thumb caressed her cheek and the other drew across her brow.
"Hey." Dillion whispered, his breath warm against her lips. Dillion hadn't realized how close they were to hers. Though, now his eyes darted down and saw her full rosy pout. He could kiss her right now, taste those familiar glowing lips. It was a shame, speaking was so much more important at the moment.
"That night... Eric had gotten off a... child molester." He swallowed and his eyes darted away. His voice was rougher than before.
"I was second chair. I knew the guy had did it, but... what could I do? I didn't want to bring kids into the world. I w-was afraid. I couldn't protect them. Ashamed of what I had done. Then I-I should have known something was wrong that night."
The corner of his lips quirked into a teasing half-smile, "What happened to that bullshit 'communication is the key', you were always preaching about?"
Dillion's fingers roamed across her face, tracing and memorizing. "I'm sorry." He whispered voice rough and sincere, and thumb drew across her full lower lip. "You do realize now, I have fourteen years to spoil them right? Puppies, horses, cars..." His lips moved close they were a breath away from hers. When he spoke, she could feel the words against her lips. "Anything. They. Want." He pulled away with a lascivious wink.
Start At The Beginning
How was she suppose to explain this to him? Especially when a part of her, a large part, knew he was right? Back then the answer had seemed almost simple. Sure, the situation was anything but simple, but she had been able to make up her mind and live with that choice. In hindsight she knew it had mostly been of fear, for she had been afraid of many things. Looking back she knew she would have done things differently, but a selfish part of her who loved their lives as they were now, wondered if that was true.
Luckily for her she didn’t have to start talking first, and it was just as well. She knew that she deserved anything he would throw at her. His words stung and five minutes preparation had certainly not been enough time to build up her defenses. Her eyes glistened, though she was stronger now and was able to hold them back. One thing she had learned quickly as the mother of two little girls was to keep yourself from crying in front of them, something she had never been good at when she was younger. Leona could fight back the tears skillfully, but with these words and his face sitting before her, she was finding that task to be harder and harder to manage.
A breathless laugh fell from her lips at the joke about her kitchen. It wasn’t tiny, they did have a rather large house after all, but she knew it was nothing Dillion would have wanted. She could only imagine what his own kitchen must look like. The laugh fell easily, but at the same time, it made it harder to choke back the tears. She bit down on her lip, bringing a curled hand to her mouth, eyes looking anywhere but at him for the moment. Finally she turned her gaze back to him, the coldness of his eyes almost frightening, but she didn’t expect anything less. Dillion had the right to be angry right now. He had the right to hate her, to yell at her. She hoped that going into this conversation remembering this would somehow make it easier.
She sighed, taking a shaky breath. Where to begin? Was she suppose to just take each of his answers one by one and respond? Should she start at the beginning? What? Her eyes fell again. Looking at him only made it harder to keep her thoughts straight, and right now she needed as much clarity as she could possibly manage.
“The girls love this kitchen,” she said with a weak smile, thinking back on their years here. She glanced up at the sink. There were two small dishrags hanging on hooks on either side of the window behind the sink, each with a small hand print and ‘2020’ in red and blue paint on each, with the intitials ‘AJ’ and ‘KC’ scribbled underneath. She didn’t look at him, but she knew he was looking where she was. “They made those for me when we first moved in, seven years ago,” she explained, looking away now and back to her hands that were once again gripping her coffee mug. Sad eyes turned up to him, a frown over her shaky lips.
“I don’t even know where to begin here, Dillion…” She sighed, shaking her head and hoping that he would be able to keep the temper she knew was raging just below the surface at bay just long enough for her to talk. Looking up again she caught it hard eyes, and continued to frown.
Another deep breath.
“I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was over a month along,” Leona began, figuring she might as well start at the beginning. “I hadn’t spoken to you in a month, and Connor said you were doing well at Oxford. -- He doesn’t know, Dillion.” Leona watched him, knowing that she moment she mentioned Connor’s name he was bound to jump to some sort of conclusion. The thing was, Leona had moved before she began to show, before any of their old friends could figure out that she was pregnant. “I went back to Boston and lived with my parents. I lost touch with Connor and Lalana not long after that,” she frowned, still wishing that hadn’t been the case.
“I know that there is nothing I could possibly say to make up for this, Dillion. I know that I shouldn’t have… kept them from you, that they should have had their father,” -- by now, her voice was shaking, the walls finally starting to crumble -- “I was terrified, Dillion. I know that, that’s not an excuse, but I was so scared. I was all alone and here I was, pregnant, and the father was on the other side of the ocean moving on with his life. And after all the fighting we’d been having before we broke up, about what to do with our lives, and what we wanted -- I just couldn’t bare the thought of telling you.”
She still wasn’t crying, she refused to go that far, but her shoulders fell and she was becoming exhausted. Today was suppose to be a lazy day. She had no work, the girls were on break, and they had even planned to go to the mall, see a movie, maybe buy some ice cream to make sundaes with after dinner. No where in her wildest dreams could she have predicted that all of that would change so drastically, and that Dillion Hepburn, the first love of her life and the father of her two beautiful children, would be sitting here in front of her, having this conversation.
Another deep breath. Leona sighed, knowing she had to just say this. Years later she had looked back and cried for days, still confused on what to think. She had one elbow on the table, leaning her forehead against her hand while the other held her mug tightly. Looking up, she met his eyes and kept a rather firm hold on them.
“That evening, Connor and Lalana’s party, right after they told us they were pregnant,” she began carefully, sitting up now and running a hand through her hair. “I was heading to the kitchen, when I heard you and Connor talking.” Leona paused, wondering if he would remember what she was talking about. She watched his face carefully, and then continued.
“You were teasing him, about the idea of having kids. He asked you if we were ever going to settle down and have kids, and you just laughed. Connor asked you more seriously, what would you do if I got pregnant.” Leona stopped again. She took a steadying breath, knowing she didn’t want to finish. “And you told him that if that ever happened, that you would simply front the bill.” Her tone was slightly bitter, her mouth forming a tight line. It was unclear what exactly she was holding back, the sadness or the anger. In reality, it was more the general pain of remembering that night. Leona couldn’t remember feeling more hurt by him ever. Their friends were settling down and Leona had wanted that for she and Dillion, too. Every time she had talked about it, he had managed to blow off the subject, and at that moment, she finally knew why.
“After that we just kept fighting, over and over again about the idea of getting married, of having kids of our own, and every time I even brought it up you were so convinced that children were not something you wanted. When you were accepted to Oxford, I didn’t want to let you go, but I knew that if we stayed together, we would just keep fighting. We didn’t want the same things anymore.”
She sighed wearily, knowing now that it still wasn’t exactly the world’s greatest excuse to keep a father from their children, but as a naïve young girl, all alone and pregnant for the first time on top of an already broken heart, it had seemed logical. For years she had tried to figure out how to tell him, but as the girls got older, it became more complicated. Finally she had buried herself so deep that she couldn’t see a way out, and dropped all thoughts of ever telling him. She shut her eyes, knowing now, of course, how wrong she had been. And yet, she still couldn’t fight the urge that at the time she had been almost justified.
“Damn it,” she swore weakly under her breath, wishing there was an easier way to do this.
Luckily for her she didn’t have to start talking first, and it was just as well. She knew that she deserved anything he would throw at her. His words stung and five minutes preparation had certainly not been enough time to build up her defenses. Her eyes glistened, though she was stronger now and was able to hold them back. One thing she had learned quickly as the mother of two little girls was to keep yourself from crying in front of them, something she had never been good at when she was younger. Leona could fight back the tears skillfully, but with these words and his face sitting before her, she was finding that task to be harder and harder to manage.
A breathless laugh fell from her lips at the joke about her kitchen. It wasn’t tiny, they did have a rather large house after all, but she knew it was nothing Dillion would have wanted. She could only imagine what his own kitchen must look like. The laugh fell easily, but at the same time, it made it harder to choke back the tears. She bit down on her lip, bringing a curled hand to her mouth, eyes looking anywhere but at him for the moment. Finally she turned her gaze back to him, the coldness of his eyes almost frightening, but she didn’t expect anything less. Dillion had the right to be angry right now. He had the right to hate her, to yell at her. She hoped that going into this conversation remembering this would somehow make it easier.
She sighed, taking a shaky breath. Where to begin? Was she suppose to just take each of his answers one by one and respond? Should she start at the beginning? What? Her eyes fell again. Looking at him only made it harder to keep her thoughts straight, and right now she needed as much clarity as she could possibly manage.
“The girls love this kitchen,” she said with a weak smile, thinking back on their years here. She glanced up at the sink. There were two small dishrags hanging on hooks on either side of the window behind the sink, each with a small hand print and ‘2020’ in red and blue paint on each, with the intitials ‘AJ’ and ‘KC’ scribbled underneath. She didn’t look at him, but she knew he was looking where she was. “They made those for me when we first moved in, seven years ago,” she explained, looking away now and back to her hands that were once again gripping her coffee mug. Sad eyes turned up to him, a frown over her shaky lips.
“I don’t even know where to begin here, Dillion…” She sighed, shaking her head and hoping that he would be able to keep the temper she knew was raging just below the surface at bay just long enough for her to talk. Looking up again she caught it hard eyes, and continued to frown.
Another deep breath.
“I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was over a month along,” Leona began, figuring she might as well start at the beginning. “I hadn’t spoken to you in a month, and Connor said you were doing well at Oxford. -- He doesn’t know, Dillion.” Leona watched him, knowing that she moment she mentioned Connor’s name he was bound to jump to some sort of conclusion. The thing was, Leona had moved before she began to show, before any of their old friends could figure out that she was pregnant. “I went back to Boston and lived with my parents. I lost touch with Connor and Lalana not long after that,” she frowned, still wishing that hadn’t been the case.
“I know that there is nothing I could possibly say to make up for this, Dillion. I know that I shouldn’t have… kept them from you, that they should have had their father,” -- by now, her voice was shaking, the walls finally starting to crumble -- “I was terrified, Dillion. I know that, that’s not an excuse, but I was so scared. I was all alone and here I was, pregnant, and the father was on the other side of the ocean moving on with his life. And after all the fighting we’d been having before we broke up, about what to do with our lives, and what we wanted -- I just couldn’t bare the thought of telling you.”
She still wasn’t crying, she refused to go that far, but her shoulders fell and she was becoming exhausted. Today was suppose to be a lazy day. She had no work, the girls were on break, and they had even planned to go to the mall, see a movie, maybe buy some ice cream to make sundaes with after dinner. No where in her wildest dreams could she have predicted that all of that would change so drastically, and that Dillion Hepburn, the first love of her life and the father of her two beautiful children, would be sitting here in front of her, having this conversation.
Another deep breath. Leona sighed, knowing she had to just say this. Years later she had looked back and cried for days, still confused on what to think. She had one elbow on the table, leaning her forehead against her hand while the other held her mug tightly. Looking up, she met his eyes and kept a rather firm hold on them.
“That evening, Connor and Lalana’s party, right after they told us they were pregnant,” she began carefully, sitting up now and running a hand through her hair. “I was heading to the kitchen, when I heard you and Connor talking.” Leona paused, wondering if he would remember what she was talking about. She watched his face carefully, and then continued.
“You were teasing him, about the idea of having kids. He asked you if we were ever going to settle down and have kids, and you just laughed. Connor asked you more seriously, what would you do if I got pregnant.” Leona stopped again. She took a steadying breath, knowing she didn’t want to finish. “And you told him that if that ever happened, that you would simply front the bill.” Her tone was slightly bitter, her mouth forming a tight line. It was unclear what exactly she was holding back, the sadness or the anger. In reality, it was more the general pain of remembering that night. Leona couldn’t remember feeling more hurt by him ever. Their friends were settling down and Leona had wanted that for she and Dillion, too. Every time she had talked about it, he had managed to blow off the subject, and at that moment, she finally knew why.
“After that we just kept fighting, over and over again about the idea of getting married, of having kids of our own, and every time I even brought it up you were so convinced that children were not something you wanted. When you were accepted to Oxford, I didn’t want to let you go, but I knew that if we stayed together, we would just keep fighting. We didn’t want the same things anymore.”
She sighed wearily, knowing now that it still wasn’t exactly the world’s greatest excuse to keep a father from their children, but as a naïve young girl, all alone and pregnant for the first time on top of an already broken heart, it had seemed logical. For years she had tried to figure out how to tell him, but as the girls got older, it became more complicated. Finally she had buried herself so deep that she couldn’t see a way out, and dropped all thoughts of ever telling him. She shut her eyes, knowing now, of course, how wrong she had been. And yet, she still couldn’t fight the urge that at the time she had been almost justified.
“Damn it,” she swore weakly under her breath, wishing there was an easier way to do this.
No touching then. The look made him only deter remotely, Dillion knew he should not have taken it that far. She was not his to touch, and Leona had just made that clear. The gaze, well glare was frighteningly clear. Though, he wondered stubbornly if deep down it was welcome. He hoped, and hope was all he could go off of right now. Dillion wasn't allowed do to much more then that. His eyes, dark with bewilderment never strayed from her. He was still in awe of her. She had grown into a woman, and now here she was right in front of him. The corner of his lips twitched, and to think all it took was some stubborn little girl to drag him here. Dillion hated to think it took the work of two fourteen year olds, his children to bring him here.
Children, he hadn't even known before this moment. They had plotted to get him here, and now here he was. He would have never seen her, known how beautiful she was, if it hadn't been for some nosy little kids. Dillion would buy them any gift, they wanted. He had fourteen years to make up for. Fourteen birthdays. Fourteen Christmas. Fourteen years to spoil them rotten. Fourteen years, he didn't get to show his girls how much, he loved them. It was disturbing. Did they resent him? He had missed so much, they nearly adults now. What could he do to make it up for to them? Dillion didn't want to buy their love with presents. He wanted to earn that. The presents were a given, they deserved those predetermined. Dillion had thinking a list of what, he could buy them. Though, his list was short because he didn't know many things children would enjoy. Then again, they were hardly kids.
Leona looked on edge, and Dillion could not blame her. It had been so long, and the circumstances were so contrasting. Now they were apart, older and he would like to think wiser. It was hard to believe, he was nearing forty. Even harder, when he could remember what it was like to be eighteen. They had put each other through so much, but in the end Dillion knew how in love they were. They had been so in love, Dillion couldn't help be reminded of a cheesy romance novel. They beat each other down, repeatedly. In the end, they always begged for each other back and were determined to work it out. Dillion wasn't sure, if he would call their relationship normal but they loved each other. Love didn't have to be normal. It didn't have to be anyone's definition or standard, but their own.
Following her into the kitchen, Dillion couldn't but help but allow his gaze stray to her backside.
Definitely, filled out. His mouth curved into a cocky smirk. Chocolate eyes quickly moved upward, if he was caught it wouldn't be good. The last thing, he would need was for she to think he was in town for a quick fuck. Dillion knew the boundaries, and he wasn't here to win her back. Sure, he loved her and had the desire to kiss her. But he wanted her happy. She had moved on, and found happiness. He was mature enough to be happy for her. The Scotch still seemed to be in effect. Dillion wasn't sure how happy he'd be for her, after it wore off but for now he was.
Swallowing, his gaze drifted around the modest kitchen. If only she could see his. Dillion had always been the accomplished chef, and his kitchen represented his flair for cooking. It was large, and took up nearly half a floor of his two floor apartment. Some speculated what, he needed such a large kitchen for. When he'd bought it Dillion had been all about hosting dinner parties and preparing all the food himself. Now, his life was piled with work and he'd had less time to throw those parties. The only time he cooked was for himself. It was a depressing thought, and he often felt lonely in his spacious kitchen. He watched her bustle around, nervous and his own anxiety was eating him up. Dillion was curious; wanted to roam through her cupboards and find if she'd scorched any pots.
The formality caught him off guard, he should have expected it though. He shouldn't have expected anything from her. "I'll stand." Dillion said cooly. He kept his back to her, and moved over to the window. It was a nice yard, and the swing set reminded him of the times he'd missed. KC was a beautiful girl, Leona to the roots of her hair. The brief glimpse he'd seen made him curious. What was she like as a baby? Would be around him as a baby, would have made her more like him? Was Audrey always just like him, or rebelling after reading the letters? He suspected Audrey was always the outspoken smartass. There was something about the wicked gleam in her eye. Audrey. If only his mother would have lived. She would have loved to see them, coddle them, and spoil them worse than he. Money wouldn't have been an opposition, she would have just worked harder to buy them gifts.
Sighing, he turned around and picked up the mug. A small smile tugged at his lips, it had been a while since Dillion had really had coffee. "You'd be surprised to hear, I'm drinking tea now." He chuckled and winked at her. Tentatively, Dillion took a sip and placed it back on the table. He supposed it was rude to stand, while she sat. He took a seat and side. Looking at her, he closed his eyes and glanced back toward the doorway. His eyes moved over to her again. She should have told him. He hadn't been poor, and Dillion wouldn't have quit school. Nothing was potentially standing in their way. She hadn't any right to do what, she had done.
Grinding his teeth, Dillion stared at the grains on the table. He didn't want to yell, but was finding the urge boiling with him. His heart was beginning to pound within his chest. Short heaved breaths forced through his nose, and Dillion shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn't want anyone to see him clenching and unclenching his fists. How could she?
Suddenly, Dillion froze.
Did Connor know, Lalana? Had his best friends known this entire time, and never dare utter a word to him. 'Hey Dillion, guess what you're a father?' If they had, he would never forgive them. Despite, Connor taking Leona's side in school he knew, he would never do that. These were his kids after all. None of his friends would be that stupid! They wouldn't actually be that naive; think they'd get away with it.
Clenching his jaw, the muscle twitched as he stared at her hard. His gaze cool, calculating, angry. She had hidden their children away, like some dirty secret. What had he ever done to deserve that? Dillion admitted, he was an asshole. He admitted, he had screwed up plenty of times over. To keep his Audrey and KC from knowing their father.
Gulping, a surge of anger shot threw him, pulsing and vivid - had they ever called someone else, 'Papa'? Someone else before him? Jealously course through his veins, and Dillion thought, he was going to be sick. Tugging himself together, he swore he wanted answers. Answers before she kicked him out.
"Why?" Dillion growled. "I've gone from happy to see you, and now I'm trying to figure out... why!" He said forcefully.
"I love-ved you. It wasn't like, we had drifted apart. We had broken up, yes but it was distance. I would have moved. No big deal. But you keep them from me. Not for a month, but fourteen blood years!" He sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face. "
I never had a father, Conily." Dillion met her gaze, suddenly colder than before. "You've turned me into the one man, I've despised. The one man, you've known I've despised. Why, damn it!? " He said desperately, voice stoney.
Dillion's voice was soft, airy. "If I had known..." He snorted sarcastically. "I would have made you board that bloody plane with me to England, or I would have never left. If I would known that this is what, I would have..." He shook his head and laughed roughly. "I'd have told Oxford to piss off."
A small teasing smirk touched his lips, "Different house though. Your kitchen is much too small."
Children, he hadn't even known before this moment. They had plotted to get him here, and now here he was. He would have never seen her, known how beautiful she was, if it hadn't been for some nosy little kids. Dillion would buy them any gift, they wanted. He had fourteen years to make up for. Fourteen birthdays. Fourteen Christmas. Fourteen years to spoil them rotten. Fourteen years, he didn't get to show his girls how much, he loved them. It was disturbing. Did they resent him? He had missed so much, they nearly adults now. What could he do to make it up for to them? Dillion didn't want to buy their love with presents. He wanted to earn that. The presents were a given, they deserved those predetermined. Dillion had thinking a list of what, he could buy them. Though, his list was short because he didn't know many things children would enjoy. Then again, they were hardly kids.
Leona looked on edge, and Dillion could not blame her. It had been so long, and the circumstances were so contrasting. Now they were apart, older and he would like to think wiser. It was hard to believe, he was nearing forty. Even harder, when he could remember what it was like to be eighteen. They had put each other through so much, but in the end Dillion knew how in love they were. They had been so in love, Dillion couldn't help be reminded of a cheesy romance novel. They beat each other down, repeatedly. In the end, they always begged for each other back and were determined to work it out. Dillion wasn't sure, if he would call their relationship normal but they loved each other. Love didn't have to be normal. It didn't have to be anyone's definition or standard, but their own.
Following her into the kitchen, Dillion couldn't but help but allow his gaze stray to her backside.
Definitely, filled out. His mouth curved into a cocky smirk. Chocolate eyes quickly moved upward, if he was caught it wouldn't be good. The last thing, he would need was for she to think he was in town for a quick fuck. Dillion knew the boundaries, and he wasn't here to win her back. Sure, he loved her and had the desire to kiss her. But he wanted her happy. She had moved on, and found happiness. He was mature enough to be happy for her. The Scotch still seemed to be in effect. Dillion wasn't sure how happy he'd be for her, after it wore off but for now he was.
Swallowing, his gaze drifted around the modest kitchen. If only she could see his. Dillion had always been the accomplished chef, and his kitchen represented his flair for cooking. It was large, and took up nearly half a floor of his two floor apartment. Some speculated what, he needed such a large kitchen for. When he'd bought it Dillion had been all about hosting dinner parties and preparing all the food himself. Now, his life was piled with work and he'd had less time to throw those parties. The only time he cooked was for himself. It was a depressing thought, and he often felt lonely in his spacious kitchen. He watched her bustle around, nervous and his own anxiety was eating him up. Dillion was curious; wanted to roam through her cupboards and find if she'd scorched any pots.
The formality caught him off guard, he should have expected it though. He shouldn't have expected anything from her. "I'll stand." Dillion said cooly. He kept his back to her, and moved over to the window. It was a nice yard, and the swing set reminded him of the times he'd missed. KC was a beautiful girl, Leona to the roots of her hair. The brief glimpse he'd seen made him curious. What was she like as a baby? Would be around him as a baby, would have made her more like him? Was Audrey always just like him, or rebelling after reading the letters? He suspected Audrey was always the outspoken smartass. There was something about the wicked gleam in her eye. Audrey. If only his mother would have lived. She would have loved to see them, coddle them, and spoil them worse than he. Money wouldn't have been an opposition, she would have just worked harder to buy them gifts.
Sighing, he turned around and picked up the mug. A small smile tugged at his lips, it had been a while since Dillion had really had coffee. "You'd be surprised to hear, I'm drinking tea now." He chuckled and winked at her. Tentatively, Dillion took a sip and placed it back on the table. He supposed it was rude to stand, while she sat. He took a seat and side. Looking at her, he closed his eyes and glanced back toward the doorway. His eyes moved over to her again. She should have told him. He hadn't been poor, and Dillion wouldn't have quit school. Nothing was potentially standing in their way. She hadn't any right to do what, she had done.
Grinding his teeth, Dillion stared at the grains on the table. He didn't want to yell, but was finding the urge boiling with him. His heart was beginning to pound within his chest. Short heaved breaths forced through his nose, and Dillion shoved his hands into his pockets. He didn't want anyone to see him clenching and unclenching his fists. How could she?
Suddenly, Dillion froze.
Did Connor know, Lalana? Had his best friends known this entire time, and never dare utter a word to him. 'Hey Dillion, guess what you're a father?' If they had, he would never forgive them. Despite, Connor taking Leona's side in school he knew, he would never do that. These were his kids after all. None of his friends would be that stupid! They wouldn't actually be that naive; think they'd get away with it.
Clenching his jaw, the muscle twitched as he stared at her hard. His gaze cool, calculating, angry. She had hidden their children away, like some dirty secret. What had he ever done to deserve that? Dillion admitted, he was an asshole. He admitted, he had screwed up plenty of times over. To keep his Audrey and KC from knowing their father.
Gulping, a surge of anger shot threw him, pulsing and vivid - had they ever called someone else, 'Papa'? Someone else before him? Jealously course through his veins, and Dillion thought, he was going to be sick. Tugging himself together, he swore he wanted answers. Answers before she kicked him out.
"Why?" Dillion growled. "I've gone from happy to see you, and now I'm trying to figure out... why!" He said forcefully.
"I love-ved you. It wasn't like, we had drifted apart. We had broken up, yes but it was distance. I would have moved. No big deal. But you keep them from me. Not for a month, but fourteen blood years!" He sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face. "
I never had a father, Conily." Dillion met her gaze, suddenly colder than before. "You've turned me into the one man, I've despised. The one man, you've known I've despised. Why, damn it!? " He said desperately, voice stoney.
Dillion's voice was soft, airy. "If I had known..." He snorted sarcastically. "I would have made you board that bloody plane with me to England, or I would have never left. If I would known that this is what, I would have..." He shook his head and laughed roughly. "I'd have told Oxford to piss off."
A small teasing smirk touched his lips, "Different house though. Your kitchen is much too small."
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